In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor ’ s office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom :
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel ’ s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany ’ s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Infantry Journal

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just

bombed.”

U.S. Air Force Manual

—————- ————- ————- ————-

“Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”

- General MacArthur

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”

- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.

——— ——— ————- ————- ————-

“Tracers work both ways.”

- U.S. Army Ordnance

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“Five second fuses only last three seconds.”

- Infantry Journal

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.”

- Unknown Marine Recruit

—————— ————- ————- ————- ————-

Clean it, if it’s dirty.

Oil it, if it squeaks.

But don’t screw it if it works!

- USAF Electronic Technician

—————————————————————————————————

“If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.”

USAF - Ammo Troop

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.

For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.”

- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )

—————— ————- ————- ————-

A Navigator’s Definition of Latitude & Longitude:

Latitude is Where We are Lost,

&

Longitude is How Long We’ve been Lost There!

USAF Navi-guesser

———————————————————————————————-

“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — however, it’s probably unsafe in any case .”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;

If ATC screws up, …. The pilot dies.”

—————— ————- ————- ————- ————-

The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:

“Why is it doing that?”

“Where are we?” and

“Oh Shit!”

—————- ————- ————- ————-

“Airspeed, altitude and brains.

Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight.”

—————— ————- ————- ————- -

“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We have never left one up there!”

—————- ————- ————- ————-

“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”

- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.”

Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-

“You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes FULL Power to taxi to the terminal.”

—————— ————- ————- ————-