Wed 3 Feb 2010
As Well They Should
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope
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Humor, I Hope
Archived Posts from this Category
Tue 18 Aug 2009
REAL-LIFE WARNING LABELS
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope
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On children’s cough syrup: “Do not drive car or operate machinery.”
On garden furniture: “Keep away from damp and sunlight.”
On a box of sleeping pills: “May cause drowsiness.”
On a milk bottle: “After opening, keep upright.”
On a water heater: “If building in which heater resides is on fire, do not go into building.”
On a graduation gown: “Do not wash or dry clean.”
Thu 13 Aug 2009
Yes, Probably So
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope, Military "Stuff," Past and Present
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Tue 11 Aug 2009
Wise words
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope, Military "Stuff," Past and Present
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“If the enemy is in range, so are you.”
Infantry Journal
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed.”
U.S. Air Force Manual
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“Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
- General MacArthur
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“You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.”
- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
——— ——— ————- ————- ————-
“Tracers work both ways.”
- U.S. Army Ordnance
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“Five second fuses only last three seconds.”
- Infantry Journal
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“Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.”
- Unknown Marine Recruit
—————— ————- ————- ————- ————-
Clean it, if it’s dirty.
Oil it, if it squeaks.
But don’t screw it if it works!
- USAF Electronic Technician
—————————————————————————————————
“If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.”
USAF - Ammo Troop
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.”
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )
—————— ————- ————- ————-
A Navigator’s Definition of Latitude & Longitude:
Latitude is Where We are Lost,
&
Longitude is How Long We’ve been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser
———————————————————————————————-
“The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — however, it’s probably unsafe in any case .”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, …. The pilot dies.”
—————— ————- ————- ————- ————-
The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
“Why is it doing that?”
“Where are we?” and
“Oh Shit!”
—————- ————- ————- ————-
“Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight.”
—————— ————- ————- ————- -
“Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We have never left one up there!”
—————- ————- ————- ————-
“Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.”
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.”
Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
“You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes FULL Power to taxi to the terminal.”
—————— ————- ————- ————-
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft , having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, “What happened?” The pilot’s reply: “I don’t know, I just got here myself!”
Sat 8 Aug 2009
Nice
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope
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Meaning: Pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory
Origin: “Nice is one of the more celebrated examples of an English word changing its meaning out of all recognition over the centuries—in this case, from ‘stupid’ to ‘pleasant.’ Its ultimate source was Latin nescius, ‘ignorant.’ This passed into English via the French nice with minimal change of meaning, but from then on a slow transformation took place, from ‘foolish’ to ‘shy,’ to ‘fastidious,’ to ‘refined’ to ‘pleasant’ or ‘agreeable’ (first recorded in the 18th century).” (From Dictionary of Word Origins, by John Ayto)
Thu 30 Jul 2009
LEGAL BRIEFS
Posted by dad under Humor, I Hope
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ACTUAL COURT CASES
• United States ex rel. Gerald Mayo v. Satan and His Staff
• Lexis-Nexis v. Beer
• Muncher v. Muncher
• People v. Booger
• Short v. Long
• State of Indiana v. Virtue
• United States v. $11,557.22 in U.S. Currency
• Advance Whip & Novelty Co. v. Benevolent Protective Order of Elks